I wish my cousin, Jimmie, and his life partner, K.C., could have been here yesterday to hear the president of the United States say he supports the right of gay people to marry. They were two of the best men I have ever known, devoted to each other and to their families. Jimmie served in the military, then worked for many years counseling kids in an adolescent psychiatric hospital. Jimmie and K.C. were both lost to us in their forties, victims of the AIDS epidemic.
I wish Maurice Sendak, the beloved children’s author who died Tuesday at the age of eighty-three, could have heard the interview with President Obama. Sendak lived with his life partner, psychoanalyst Dr. Eugene Glynn, for fifty years. After Glynn died, Maurice Sendak told an interviewer, “All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy. They never, never, never knew.”
These men, and all the other gay Americans who came before them, were never able to formalize their relationships. Many gay people have created promise ceremonies or had non-legal marriages, but they enjoy none of the protections and rights my husband and I take for granted, such as making medical decisions for each other, and collecting social security benefits.
Based on the limited data available, an estimated 7% of the population is gay, and that figure probably hasn’t changed much throughout history. We know that gay people have always been with us, and always will be a part of our society. Whether they live hidden lives, or are accepted, welcomed and embraced, they are here. They deserve the right to live in open, loving, supportive marriages.
President Obama’s declaration of his own personal beliefs is not going to create any formal change, as issues around marriage law are decided on a state-by-state basis. Historically, civil rights of minorities have not been protected by the states, and the recent North Carolina law underlines that. There could at some point be a move for a constitutional amendment to extend the rights of gay people, but those of us who worked for passage of the Equal Rights Amendment know that is a long and rocky process.
Still, the President’s statement is indicative of how far we’ve come.