A friend of mine is having a frustrating experience. One of her clients owes her money. My friend worked hard and did a great job for this client. Now, not only has the client not sent her a check, he is refusing her calls and avoiding her. Several other people have recently shared similar stories with me, and I myself have faced this issue in the past.
Of course there are obvious steps we can take when someone owes us money. We can send a bill, and follow-up notices. We can call, and write emails or letters. We can offer a payment plan if that seems appropriate. But I find it useful to look below the surface in life situations, to discern the spiritual approach to problems. So is there a spiritual approach to collecting debt?
First, I believe all debt, on a spiritual level, is about fear. We incur debt because there is something we need, or believe is important to our comfort and wellbeing, and we elect to defer payment for it until later. Owing money, beyond the fixed expenses of daily life, often creates a level of fear. If I don’t have enough to buy what I need or want right now, will I have enough later? This fear supercharges the thoughts of lack, and when we hold a thought backed with strong emotion, it is highly magnetic. We attract that upon which we concentrate our thoughts and feelings.
Owing money, and being owed money, are opposite sides of the same coin. Being owed money also has a fear component. If I do not receive this payment, will I have what I need in life? Will I be able to get the things I want? In my own life, I have noticed that when I have had problems collecting money, it has correlated with my own fear of debt, or of incurring debt.
As is often the case, the first step in resolving the problem is forgiveness. If someone owes you money, you are probably at least a little angry. You may be thinking, “What kind of person doesn’t pay his debts?” “What a lack of integrity!” “Doesn’t she know I really need this money?” “This is like stealing from me!”
You may also be angry with yourself. You may be asking yourself, “Why didn’t I have better judgment?” “Why did I trust that person?” “How did I get myself in this position?”
Try writing a couple of letters of forgiveness. To the person who owes you money, write a letter saying honestly how hurt and angry you are, and how mistreated you feel. Feel free to call the person names, and use bad language if that helps. You’re not going to send the letter, so use it as a place to express any negative feelings you have. Then, when you have fully expressed your feelings, write a message of forgiveness. Here is an example: “I am willing to forgive you. I don’t feel forgiveness right now, but I am willing to feel forgiveness. I acknowledge you are probably coming from a place of fear, and I understand fear. I have my own fears. So from one human being in fear to another, I forgive you for letting me down. I release you to your highest good.”
Then write yourself. Forgive yourself for making a questionable decision in trusting that person, but also forgive yourself for any debts you owe. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made in managing money. This doesn’t mean, by the way, that you won’t pay your debts as you can, but it means you are willing to love yourself enough not to beat yourself up for your own shortcomings.
When we want someone else to do something, and we believe we are right and they are wrong, there is a power struggle. It’s easy to get caught up in the power struggle around collecting debt. But the biggest problem with power struggles is that they really never get resolved. Nobody wins. One person may be big enough to defeat the other person, in a physical fight or a lawsuit, but there is never really a peaceful resolution that brings peace to the parties involved. If you find that hard to believe, think of the aftermath of wars, or messy divorces, or showdowns with your child. Forgiveness eliminates the power struggle.
Finally, get really clear in your own mind that your wellbeing does not depend on the person who owes you money. Your wellbeing is a function of your relationship with God, or the Universe, or your higher power, whatever you conceive that to be. All good is available to you at the correct time, and you are completely protected, as long as you claim that. Write down, and say to yourself, “I claim all my good now.” “No person, or circumstance, can take my good from me.” “My good is from God, and I absolutely rely on God.”
You can then continue to take the “real world” steps to collecting debt, but you will do so without anger or anxiety. You will know it doesn’t really matter whether or not you ever collect that money, because you are fine regardless. You don’t have to be right and the other person wrong, because you understand that we are all human, all flawed and trying to do the best we can. We are all fearful. And because of your spiritual understanding, you are absolutely safe and protected in this situation, and at all times.
This process can totally change the energy around collecting the debt. And once the energy changes, the likelihood of getting your money is greatly increased. On an energy level, once the other person feels your release and your love, he or she is much more able to feel safe, and give you what is owed to you.
Thank you for the insights about trust.